More top stories. Bing Site Web Enter search term: Search. Hollyoaks star, 37, and husband David O'Mahony are expecting first child And today Elton lifts the lid on the love-hate relationship that lasted a lifetime Riverdale says goodbye to Luke Perry's character in season four trailer Boris Johnson's Brexit deal is dead - so what happens next? Three weeks of chaos which will almost certainly BBC presenter Professor Alice Roberts reveals she can't understand her nine-year-old's homework about Sark police officer says tiny Channel island - with population of just - is 'awash' with crooks 'It's how we show affection!
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Two-year-old British girl died from E coli poisoning after her family became sick during holiday at Devastating family secrets? Devastating is a great word, Freda. Heart-breaking works too, but I think devastating is stronger. Hi Melinda, this sounds like an interesting concept. But it sounds like things are happening TO Tess I know they are. Thanks, Heather! After a sensitive young woman is devastated by a sexual assault and its consequences, a kind, chivalrous man helps her heal and find peace with God. That sounds good…but maybe throw the stakes in there as something to overcome…Do you see the formula I wrote at the very bottom?
Is she tempted by the other man? Does he threaten her marriage? Oh, and maybe use her name. Is the dance teacher symbolically teaching her to follow her husband? Is her husband unable to dance? Your pitch is good, but I think it could be a little stronger. Make people read the book to find out. Sounds like something I want to read. Helping a terminally ill family friend kill himself was supposed to be a one-time favor — Eli never suspected euthanasia would become his true calling.
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What ancient evil? I think you need to be more specific with at least one of these, to make your summary stand out. When several deaths and a cancerous growth happens to one young woman, she must overcome severe pain and loss to come to terms with her childhood and raise up the next generation. After the death of whom?
Thanks Dannie! How about this; When Cynric, a tormented fox, gains control of a powerful sword, three heroes forge an unlikely friendship and find they must lead a rebel army of forest creatures to reclaim the Kingdom of Sunderland from him. A son watches his father play senior softball and learns to reconcile the bitter end of his baseball career by playing again after ten years away. Could you add some descriptor of Lulu? Is she super talented which implies that the tragic injury is even harder to take?
Thanks Jackie! A tormented fox has gained control of a powerful sword and three unlikely heroes must lead the forest creatures to reclaim the Kingdom of Sunderland. I feel like I want a little more character here. Is he one of the heroes?
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Give me someone to whom I can anchor myself and thus bond to your story. Sounds really cute!! When Cynric, a tormented fox, gains control of a powerful sword, three heroes forge an unlikely friendship and find they must lead a rebel army of forest creatures to reclaim the Kingdom of Sunderland. It might be too wordy for a logline but I wonder if you could show the unlikely friendship, rather than tell? Jeanne, I love this! Thank you for not making your protagonist a mouse. Cenric is a fantastic name, indicates your writing style and immediately helps the readers connect with and care about the character.
I am ready to read your story. Best of luck with it. When Cynric, a tormented fox, gains control of the powerful Magalunian sword, three heroes must forge an unlikely friendship to muster an army of forest creatures that can reclaim the kingdom. Does it help? Right track? Or is it older fantasy? And I still have too many verbs there — forge, muster, reclaim. Does it actually need the reclaim part? MK, Christine and Dannie — Just wanted to say thank you so very much for your feed back and advice.
This is a middle grade fantasy, which will soon be released. The title, The Sword of Demelza, will introduce kids to animals that are very unusual, many of which are endangered. Most of the anthropomorphized characters are animals found only on the continent of Australia. I do hope you will look for it in the near future. Thank you again for your kind help and words of support! Is he being threatened by somebody? A threat is always more powerful when we know who is doing the threatening and why. And how does his finding the ex help? Wait, hold on. When her rock star father is murdered, Skylar Benson, a sixteen year old girl with cystic fibrosis must do the one thing she never expected—survive.
She never expected to survive? When her rock star father is murdered, she must do the one thing she never expected—survive. Sounds like a great tale! With three sentences, I could tell you more. And they will encounter things that look to them a whole lot like dragons. In the world of the Gifted, two powerful forces work together to stop the deadly workings of a scientific researcher gone evil, while battling their own unclaimed feelings. What can you tell us, more specifically, about these two powerful forces and the characters through whom they are conveyed?
To stop the evil machinations of a Gifted Scientist, a librarian hiding her own powerful gifts works to uncover the truth behind the killings, however will working with her unclaimed love proves to me be a trial that she can overcome? Eli is beaten, betrayed, burned, and accused of murder on his quest to find his calling and to know YHWH. I like the concept, but on any worthwhile quest, someone will be beaten down, etc. What happens if he fails? What happens if anyone fails?
Will life be easy or will trouble continue to follow? Why now? The point of fiction, even character studies like yours, is to watch people grow against the odds. Show us who he is before he finds God and what he aims to become after he finds God. Then you have a pitch.
Feel free to take it or leave it — which ever helps you grow as a writer. When I am diagnosed with a brain tumor, I have ten days to face and accept my brokenness I determine if God was ever there for me. You have a powerful story here and your second pitch is almost perfect. I think that you may just have a typo which is really easy to do when writing these comments. Glad to see another memoir on here. I just pitched mine. Should they be in first-person? What does your editor suggest? It makes it easier to engage the reader. When I read a story, I am more drawn in when I experience it, not just hear it.
Good luck with this. Who is the protag of your story? Jessica or her two friends? You have an interesting concept here, but I just have too many questions to be hooked. Very interesting concept! Is Jessica the main character here? Darby is a novel of danger, mystery, and intrigue set in the Appalachian mountains of Western North Carolina. Darby is a small rural community. This developed into a feud,and later a duel between Caldwell and the brother of George Walsh.
This controversy lasted over twenty years. Good synopsis, William. Your concept sounds good. Your original pitch was too general. Your synopsis is much more interesting. The novel, Darby, begins in when George Walsh, a rocky soil farmer, dram drinker, father, and husband is killed. Andrew was pretty much of a hothead and he took up where Virgil had left off by holding a grudge against the entire Caldwell family. In a bar fight Andrew killed a man and was sentenced to ten years in prison.
While in prison he killed a fellow inmate and his sentence was increased to life in prison. Andrew had a sister, Deborah, who married William Caldwell. Andrew, in a high security prison feigned insanity and was assigned to an insane asylum from which he broke out and headed for Darby, North Carolina, and the Caldwells. Another time he was thought by hospital psychiatrists to be rehabilitated and was given unsupervised probation. He again went after the Caldwells plus his mother and brother.
While he was unsuccessful in killing the Caldwells, he did try to kill his brother but was himself, killed by his mother. Tommy should be doing something normal, like studying or making out with a cheerleader, instead of staring into the eyes of the monster he created. Evelyn, OK.
What can we make happen? When Julie Hastings, abuse victim, accepts a veterinary position in South Dakota, she ends up falling in love and healing herself. Lisa, I feel that you have tied this up too neatly. Hint at the ending without completely giving it away. I agree, the story sounds great but I do feel like I already know the ending. Maybe mentioning what she battles internally when she falls in love? It certainly sounds like you are writing a book that can help so many. I wish you luck! New veterinarian, Julie Hastings, has been taught by her stepfather that not all beasts run on four feet, now she must face another truth: some beasts are good.
Journalists would have a field day with this. Taz, your pitch was great up until the end. Bet she loves watching the interaction. It sounds like you have an action-packed story! One suggestion: perhaps start your pitch with your protagonist. Currently, she is taking a back seat to the infant and the governor.
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A Romeo and Juliet in reverse, the friends and family want the wounded warrior and the reluctant healer tied together before she flies off, and he sails away, in three weeks. I think this would be stronger without the reference. Be inspired and motivated to live your Christian life to the full, as you work through 40 short, relevant and practical How-to topics. Josie protects baby? Kennedy by claiming him as her own. Then the birth mother appears with the truth, threatening everything Josie loves.
When zealots steal a religious manuscript explaining how to start Armageddon, Polly must uncover the origins of the manuscript in order to prevent it. When zealots steal a religious manuscript that unlocks the door to Armageddon, Polly must uncover the origin of the document to prevent world destruction. Yours is good, I just think it needs a punch, because it sounds like a good book. When zealots steal a religious manuscript needed to begin Armageddon, Polly must uncover the origins of the manuscript in order to stop them. I am always puzzled as to why evildoers books, movies would want to start Armageddon—it is only a quicker way to Hell, according to the book of Revelation.
Because they believe everything that is physical Earth, humanity, etc was created by the devil and only by destroying it can we all be saved. Who is this girl? While investigating her mothers death Polly uncovers the key to unleashing Armegggedon and now the killers have her in their sights.
This is probably personal bias, so take it with a grain of salt but the work psychopathic stuck out to me. I think what you mean is sociopathic. Psychopathology applies to anyone with any sort of mental health condition from depression to schizophrenia. Again because of my bias, the word psychopathic as used implies that mentally ill people are violent murderers and can be construed as offensive.
Otherwise, well done. Great energy and tone. PJ, you have a clear and focused pitch. Really excellent, P. On reading the sentence a few times, I think that the problem may be that it is passive. A mass murderer is by definition a sociopath; the word is redundant. Also, become victims is passive. Not quite it, but something like that…? Unless the next victim on the list is his rabbi?
Depends whether its set in Southie or Brookline… but if it is in either of those communities, be specific, since they have resonance. Thanks MK. Some things about the book require that no rabbi is killed. He must help the girl overcome the trauma and help the FBI track down the pedophiles that abused her.
What will he lose by helping this woman? Is this an example of systematic abuse by people of power? Is he struggling against a greater force? His publicist said that if he could give the girl enough confidence to leave an abusive relationship she would provide her publicity services for free.
Perhaps give away less of the plot. Consider, A shy woman challenges a hypnotist to turn her into a porn star, but secrets are uncovered that instead turn him into a detective, chasing down the men who abused her in childhood. Thanks for the suggestion, Rose. Challenged to turn an anorexic co-dependent girl into a dominatrix, a hypnotist uncovers repressed memories of a childhood abduction and a ring of pedophiles. Too vague — tell us what the conspiracy is. In the example from Harry Potter, we know the man who killed his parents is after him.
Specificity will make your pitch stand out. While in prison, Name uncovers a deep-rooted conspiracy which puts the one person striving to overturn his life sentence in mortal danger. Question: About whom is this story? The prisoner himself or the one trying to get him out of prison?
Not knowing exactly what the story is about, I made up a couple of taglines that could be for either character:. Option A: In prison for …, Name discovers a deep-rooted conspiracy that could overturn his life sentence, but put his life in danger. Without that information, it seemed like a cliche. A headstrong bride-to-be arrives in town and finds the groom is missing, but a hundred eager bachelors wait in line to take his place.
Needs a bit more conflict or detail. Is he dead? Who cares about these other guys, John is missing!! When a headstrong bride-to-be arrives in a town devoid of women, she discovers the groom has abandoned her, forcing her to choose between a hundred eager bachelors or starvation. Gabrielle, I agree with P. Is this an arranged marriage? Is the town as P. Perhaps giving a setting would help. In , a bride-to-be arrives in Minnesota Territory, but discovers the groom has abandoned her, leaving her at the mercy of a hundred eager bachelors, ready to take his place.
Fend off? Choose from? In , bride-to-be Kathryn Westbrook arrives in Minnesota Territory, but discovers the groom has abandoned her, leaving her at the mercy of a hundred eager bachelors, ready to take his place. How would you fit that into a one sentence hook — along with what I already have? The other stuff can go in the synopsis.
When Jonah is exiled as a cursling, a youth with a special gift, he must find a way to stop the schemes of the man who condemned him — if he can first survive the lethal Threeland nights. MK, I think the phrase after the dash makes your logline. That was the part that captured my attention. I agree with Andrew in part. However, instead of eliminating the word, consider reconstructing the phrase. KatieP: I know comments are usually written quickly, but you might want to fix the grammar comma after husband, period at the end.
Sexuality is kind of limiting, and to some degree pigeonholes the narrative arc. If I am, please ignore me. Katie, sounds fascinating! When dragons enslave her town, Seyune must overcome her lack of magical ability and low self-esteem to defeat them.
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The lack of magical ability is clearly a handicap in a society in which there are people with that gift, so I think it has to be explained — here — why the task falls to her. Conquer her fear before she can defeat them. PJ, I really like that! When dragons enslave Springfield, Seyune jumps into the fray to lead the forces of good to save her town. Name names pls. An orphan girl fights the small town bully, united with her alcoholic mother while trying to stay alive in the big city with her newborn baby. So are they in the small town, or a big city? How is she an orphan when she has an alcoholic mother?
It seems a bit contradictory. Writing a One-Sentence Summary. Rachelle Gardner April 9, Comments. What: About 25 words that capture your novel, memoir, or non-fiction book. Why: To get someone interested in reading your book. Examples of themes what not to do : This book explores forgiveness. Sharpen those pencils and get to work! I've worked in publishing since and I love talking about books!
Maco Stewart on April 10, at AM. Ellie Baker on July 22, at AM. Mickey Dee on June 14, at PM. Malcolm Sheridan on May 25, at PM. First book and first one-sentence summary so any input would be very much appreciated. Thanks in advance. I need to know what i should do with this. Concept VS Plot C. Haynie on September 11, at PM. Elise on January 21, at AM. Callie on April 4, at PM. Tom Losey on March 12, at PM. Tim on May 18, at AM. Craig on December 8, at AM. Beth Parker on October 31, at PM. Alex on October 13, at AM. Requesting an input or two:. Thank You. Brooke on August 24, at PM.
Elaina Eireland on August 16, at AM. My one-sentence summary: I left the asylum at 16, determined to forget my bizarre schizophrenic episode—until a divorce and a PTSD diagnosis sent me on a Madness Marathon in search of answers. Blessings, Elaina. Audra Cava on June 4, at AM. Danny Barnett on May 6, at PM. Arthur Hart on April 11, at AM. John Kohlbrenner on October 18, at PM. Escence on February 17, at PM. Animaster21 on April 6, at AM.
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Blythe on March 24, at AM. Beth on March 17, at PM. Does this sound good? In an overpopulated world, a teenage girl is one of the first chosen to kill off the unneeded. Larry Hoffeditz on February 27, at PM. Dena on February 25, at PM. This is a non-fiction. Aaron on February 21, at PM. D'von on February 11, at PM.
VisionWriter on February 5, at PM. Bill S. Preston on January 17, at AM. Here I sit, all broken hearted, tried to poop, but only farted. Allen on January 17, at AM. Jose Anes on January 8, at PM. Please critique. Jacob on December 29, at PM. Nice, This will definitely catch any readers attention. Karen A. Wyle on December 7, at PM.
Jaimie on November 28, at PM. Any tips on how to do this for a non-fiction book that does not have a main character? Jennifer L. Oliver on November 23, at PM. John Malik on November 19, at AM. Lee Wynn on November 18, at PM. Richard New on November 18, at PM. Tycie on November 16, at PM. Dixie Jarchow on November 15, at PM. Friar uses his skills as a former elite army scout to solve a murder in the small town to which he is assigned Sounds kind of bland. Any way to pop it up for that elevator pitch?
Rebecca Fields on November 14, at PM. Anderson on November 14, at PM. Looking forword to any feedback. King on November 13, at PM. Trying again: Colin Colbeck sneaks into the deep to rescue his grandmother from murderous, modernizing trolls, and discovers their plans to invade his world. Kathy Sloan on November 13, at PM. Jean Murray on November 13, at AM. Rhonda Brooks on November 13, at AM. Emily R. Sounds like an interesting book! Chris Schumerth on November 12, at PM. Memoir: A Teach For America teacher navigates racial tension, the dilemma of failing students, the pressures of standardized testing, state intervention, changing administrations, his own firing, and transitioning into a new school in Jacksonville, Florida.
Hi Chris, Sounds like a good memoir! Chris Schumerth on November 14, at PM. Thanks for the feedback! I will play around with it a bit more. Casselman on November 13, at AM. Lillian on November 12, at PM. Lillian on November 19, at PM. You are really good at this.
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Thank you for the advice. Here it is again reworked. Bret Draven on November 12, at AM. Sharkey on November 12, at AM. King on November 12, at AM. Thanks, Heather. Will definitely look at this again. Isaazetta James on November 12, at AM. John Malik on November 11, at PM. John Malik on November 13, at PM. Casselman on November 11, at PM. When a timid entertainment lawyer accidentally kills a teen heart-throb This is good and becomes the most hated man in the world inflated phrase, could be cut or taken down a notch.
Thanks Heather, I was trying to help someone else out and put my post in the wrong place.
mail.wegoup777.online/el-diablo-llam-a-mi-puerta.php Kaiser on November 11, at PM. Elizabeth on November 11, at PM. Thanks for the reply! Elizabeth on November 11, at AM. What fantastic critiques! Hi, Elizabeth! I like the sound of your book! Very interesting. Here are a couple of things I thought of: 1 Consider cutting the reference to the protagonist leaving her home. Elizabeth on November 12, at PM. Hello again. This one is 27 words. Lauren on November 10, at PM. Nicodemos on November 10, at PM. Deborah on November 11, at PM. Deborah on November 10, at PM. Anyway, your feedback is truly appreciated.
Thats 25 words.
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I have a 50 word version too. All your feedback is much appreciated! Thank you, Rachelle, for your always useful advice and exercises! Cindy Dwyer on November 10, at PM. Casselman on November 10, at PM. Is this a book proposal or a confession? LOL, a little of both. Deb Atwood on November 11, at AM. Hi Cindy, I like all the ideas here, and I think you make clear the premise of your book. Cindy Dwyer on November 11, at PM. Thanks for the suggestions on the wording.
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